Aspirations.

Today, I dragged myself out of bed at 6.30 am, fever, sore throat, runny nose and all, and was half an hour late for school.

I still feel like death warmed over, my nose is so stuffed that everything I say sounds like it starts with a letter H T___T Hair's huhink hi hate whore hand hallink hick! (3 stars for whoever knew what I said!)

We had career and higher education talks at school. Representatives from a few Malaysian universities came to brief us on their courses, and our options for the future.

I was once again faced with pondering a daunting dilemma. For years I've had my mind set on becoming a lawyer. Now, with each passing day, I become less and less certain.

When one of the speakers mentioned Nail Technology, my classmates voiced my name, and I felt a burst of pride. Obtaining recognition and appreciation for something you love doing has got to be one of THE best feelings IN THE WORLD.

I dream of becoming a manicurist, and opening my own nail parlour, and running the hottest nail blog in Malaysia.

I also dream of studying journalism, and becoming a writer, and writing for a Malaysian women's fashion magazine.

But I know these are both not papa-approved paths for my future. My parents, especially my dad, does not think these are acceptable careers for his could-be-brilliant daughter. My sisters are both Dr.'s, and I am naturally expected to aspire to something of similar caliber.

My parents only wish to see me succeed and they will do whatever necessary to help me achieve that. It is, essentially, flattering to know that they believe in me enough to think I can become a lawyer.

I don't know what my definition of success is yet. It's probably got something to do with money. When people say it's not about how much you make, it's about how happy you are, that's bullshit.

Life isn't always all about happiness, that I know now, unless you were born under a lucky star. It's about striking a balance and making sacrifices.

So, in order to not let my parents down, in order to strike that balance, I will become a lawyer. I will become successful and do well for myself and be able to support my parents in their old age. I will be able to afford a pair of Christian Louboutin's with my first paycheck.

This list is from a post I drafted in December 2009 titled "Aspirations":

1.) To own a pair of Christian Louboutins before I'm 30. (Bought with my own money, of course.)

Shoe-maker to the stars. 

2.) To become a paid blogger by the time I'm 20. (I suppose I already am kinda a paid blogger, having made a meager RM1.75 in my maiden week as a Nuffnanger.)

 

3.) To own and drive a pink car.

I think this would be like my perfect first car! Or I guess I could just get my sister's old Proton Wira spray-painted pink next year T_T

4.) To become an awesome lawyer with super chio clothes! (Errr...)

Not that I don't want to (become a lawyer), I do. Honestly, of all the "high-flying, papa-accepted" career choices, it's my favourite.

But I no longer dream of it every day the way I used to.

Do I choose to take a risk for happiness, or risk happiness for duty? This is my crossroads.